*~" FUNYStuf "~*

[Terry]

[Terry]

">
>
>    *I was recently in California and decided to learn the Spanish
>    language, so I could understand the check-outs at McDonalds. *
>    *
>    **My next move is to learn Indian, so I can understand my**
>    **doctors and the person that answers the phone when I have a
>    warranty problem. *
>    *
>    Yep, by the time I read this, I was able to understand the 1st line.**
>    **
>    **
>    **"TENJOOBERRYMUDS"...>
>    This is a hoot .... Sad, because it is TRUE ..... But a hoot!!!!
>    By the time you read through this YOU WILL UNDERSTAND
>
>
>    In order to continue getting-by in America (our home land), we all
>    need to learn the NEW English language! Practice by reading the
>    following  conversation until you are able to understand the term
>    "TENJOOBERRYMUDS".
>
>    With a little patience, you'll be able to fit right in.
>    Now, here goes...
>
>    The following is a telephone exchange between maybe you as a hotel
>    guest and call room-service somewhere in the good old U S A
>    today.......
>
>    Room Service : "Morrin. Roon sirbees."
>
>    Guest : "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."
>
>    Room Service: " Rye . Roon sirbees...morrin! Joowish to oddor
>    sunteen???"
>
>    Guest: "Uh..... Yes, I'd like to order bacon and eggs.."
>
>    Room Service: "Ow July den?"
>
>    Guest: ".....What??"
>
>    Room Service: "Ow July den?!?... Pryed, boyud, poochd?"
>
>    Guest: "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them? Sorry.. Scrambled, please."
>
>    Room Service: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"
>
>    Guest: "Crisp will be fine."
>
>    Room Service: "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"
>
>    Guest: "What?"
>
>    Room Service: "An toes. July Sahn toes?"
>
>    Guest: "I... Don't think so."
>
>    RoomService: "No? Judo wan sahn toes???"
>
>    Guest: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo
>    wan sahn toes' means."
>
>    RoomService: "Toes! Toes!...Why Joo don Juan toes? Ow bow Anglish
>    moppin we bodder?"
>
>    Guest: "Oh, English muffin!!! I've got it! You were saying
>    'toast'...  Fine...Yes, an English muffin will be fine."
>
>    RoomService: "We bodder?"
>
>    Guest: "No, just put the bodder on the side."
>
>    RoomService: "Wad?!?"
>
>    Guest: "I mean butter... Just put the butter on the side."
>
>    RoomService: "Copy?"
>
>    Guest: "Excuse me?"
>
>    RoomService: "Copy...tea..meel?"
>
>    Guest: "Yes. Coffee, please... And that's everything."
>
>    RoomService: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish
>    moppin, we bodder on sigh and copy .... Rye ??"
>
>    Guest: "Whatever you say.."
>
>    RoomService: "Tenjooberrymuds."
>
>    Guest: "You're welcome"
>
>    Remember I said "By the time you read through this YOU WILL
>    UNDERSTAND 'TENJOOBERRYMUDS' ".......and you do, don't you!
>
>    ***
>
U"figure it oyt! wht'd thea sa!

[Olderhousecat]

Incredible enough I actually got it though I don't know if it were me on the other end of the phone I would have gotten that quickly.

[Terry]

A 5 minute management course

Lesson 1:

A man is getting into the shower, just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.

The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.

When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.

Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'

After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob. After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.

The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.

When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, ' Who was that?'

'It was Bob, the next door neighbor,' she replies.

'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'

Moral of the story:
If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure.

[Olderhousecat]

Needed a smile today !

[Terry]

GLAD 2 accommidate  :smile: ::;:  ~~~~~~~~~~ gosh he's big!!  ::O:

[Terry]

Bubba died in a fire and was burnt pretty bad and the morgue needed someone to identify the body. So his two best friends, Daryl and Gomer,were sent for. Daryl went in and the mortician pulled back the sheet. Daryl said, "Yup, he's burnt pretty bad. Roll him over." So the mortician rolled him over and Daryl looked and said, "Nope, ain't Bubba." The mortician thought that was rather strange. Then he brought Gomer in to identify the body. Gomer took a look at him and said, "Yup, he's burnt real bad, roll him over." The mortician rolled him over and Gomer looked down and said, "No, it ain't Bubba. "The mortician asked, "How can you tell?" Gomer said, "Well, Bubba had two buttholes." "What? He had two buttholes?", said the mortician. "Yup, everyone in town knew it. Every time we went to town, folks would say, "Here comes Bubba with them two buttholes

[Terry]

A man had just settled into his seat next to the window on the plane
when another man sat down in the aisle seat and put his black Labrador
Retriever in the middle seat next to the man.

The first man looked very quizzically at the dog and asked why the dog
was allowed on the plane.

The second man explained that he was from the Police Drugs Enforcement
Agency and that the dog was a 'sniffing dog'.

'His name is Sniffer and he's the best there is. I'll show you once we
get airborne,when I put him to work.'

The plane took off, and once it has levelled out, the Policeman said,
'Watch this.'

He told Sniffer to 'search'.

Sniffer jumped down,walked along the aisle, and finally sat very
purposefully next to a woman for several seconds.
Sniffer then returned to his seat and put one paw on the policeman's arm.

The Policeman said, 'Good boy', and he turned to the man and said,
'That woman is in possession of marijuana, I'm making a note of her
seat number and the authorities will apprehend her when we land.

'Gee, that's pretty good,' replied the first man.

Once again, the Policeman sent Sniffer to search the aisles.

The Lab sniffed about, sat down beside a man for a few seconds,
returned to its seat, and this time he placed two paws on the agent's
arm.
The Policeman said, 'That man is carrying cocaine, so again, I'm
making a note of his seat number for the police.'

'I like it!' said his seat mate.

The Policeman then told Sniffer to 'search' again.

Sniffer walked up and down the aisles for a little while, sat down for
a moment, and then came racing back to the agent, jumped into the
middle seat and proceeded to poop all over the place.

The first man was really disgusted by this behaviour and couldn't
figure out how or why a well-trained dog would behave like that, so he
asked the Policeman, 'What's going on?'

The Policeman nervously replied, 'He's just found a bomb.'

[Terry]