Random Comments

[Da Wham]

Q: What's the difference between a dog and a violinist?






A: A dog knows when to quit scratching.

[Da Wham]

Two musicians are driving down a road. All of a sudden they notice the Grim Reaper in the back seat.

Death informs them that they had an accident and they both died. But, before he must take them off into eternity, he grants each musician with one last request to remind them of their past life on earth.

The first musician says he was a Country & Western musician and would like to hear eight choruses of Achy-Breaky Heart as a last hoorah!

The second musician says "I was a jazz musician...kill me now!"

[Da Wham]

Q: How many guitar players does it take to screw in a light bulb?






A: 13 - one to do it, and twelve to stand around and say, "Phhhwt! I can do that!"

[Da Wham]

Q: Why don't they know where Mozart is buried?
A: Because he's Haydn!

Q: What's musical and handy in a supermarket?
A: A Chopin Liszt.

Q: What do you get if Bach dies and is reincarnated as twins?
A: A pair of Re-bachs.

::D:

[Da Wham]

 :'(

Andy Griffith sings TV Show Theme Song

The Fishin' Hole

Well, now, take down your fishin' pole and meet me at The Fishin' Hole,
We may not get a bite all day, but don't you rush away.

What a great place to rest your bones and mighty fine for skippin' stones,
You'll feel fresh as a lemonade, a-settin' in the shade.

Whether it's hot, whether it's cool, oh what a spot for whistlin' like a fool.

What a fine day to take a stroll and wander by The Fishin' Hole,
I can't think of a better way to pass the time o' day.

We'll have no need to call the roll when we get to The Fishin' Hole,
There'll be you, me, and Old Dog Trey, to doodle time away.

If we don't hook a perch or bass, we'll cool our toes in dewy grass,
Or else pull up a weed to chaw, and maybe set and jaw.

Hangin' around, takin' our ease, watchin' that hound a-scratchin' at his fleas.

Come on, take down your fishin' pole and meet me at The Fishin' Hole,
I can't think of a better way to pass the time o' day.


Music by Earle Hagen & Herbert W. Spencer
Words by Everett Sloane

[Da Wham]

Big & Rich - Save A Horse, Ride A Cowboy

[Da Wham]

Miss Beatrice, the church organist, was in her eighties. She was admired for her sweetness and kindness to all. One afternoon the pastor came to call on her and she showed him into her quaint sitting room. She invited him to have a seat while she prepared tea.

As he sat facing her old Hammond organ, the young minister noticed a cut-glass bowl sitting on top of it. The bowl was filled with water, and in the water floated, of all things, a condom! When she returned with tea and scones, they began to chat.

The pastor tried to stifle his curiosity about the bowl of water and its strange floater, but soon it got the better of him and he could no longer resist. "Miss Beatrice," he said, "I wonder if you would tell me about this?" pointing to the bowl.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "Isn't it wonderful? I was walking through the Park a few months ago and I found this little package on the ground. The directions said to place it on the organ, keep it wet and that it would prevent the spread of disease."

::D:

[Da Wham]

What's the difference between a musician and a Mutual Fund?



One will eventually mature and make some money.

::D:

[Da Wham]

A mindreader is at a nightclub one night and decides to give a small demonstration of her abilities.

First, she reads the mind of the lead guitarist: "Wow, look at all the cute chicks who showed up tonight! Good crowd!"

Then the drummer: "Lots of people showed up tonight...Great! we're going to make good money tonight"

Then the Keyboard player: "All three of these guys have no appreciation of my talent...What a bunch of losers"

Finally, the Bass player: "C...G...C...G..."

::D:

[Da Wham]

Equal opportunity offender.

Q. How do you get a guitarist to turn down?

A. Put some music in front of him.



Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?

A1: Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first.

A2: Six: One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists
who are hogging the light.

[Da Wham]

Here's one for bass players (60's era)

Missionary and guide walking through jungle hear drums playing.

Missionary says "I wish the drums would stop."

Guide says "No want drums to stop!".

Days go by with no let up in the drums and missionary is going insane. "Please make the drums stop!" he screams.

Guide replies "No want drums to stop."

The missionary asks "For God's sake why not?".

The guide replies "After drums, bass solo!"

::D:

[Da Wham]

***** WARNING: THE FOLLOWING JOKE, ALTHOUGH IT DOES RELATE TO *****
MUSIC, IS EXTREMELY "POLITICALLY INCORRECT," NOT TO
MENTION GENDER-INSENSITIVE. IF SUCH JOKES OFFEND YOU,
PLEASE MOVE ON TO THE NEXT MESSAGE NOW!

  ::D:












Q: What do you call a bunch of lesbians with guns?












A: Militia Etheridge.

[Da Wham]

Jesus in a Bar

The bartender was washing his glasses, when an elderly Irishman came in. With great difficulty, the Irishman hoisted his bad leg over the barstool, pulled himself up painfully and asked for a sip of Irish whiskey. The Irishman looked down the bar and said, "Is that Jesus down there?" The bartender nodded, so the Irishman told him to give Jesus an Irish whiskey, too.

The next patron to come in was an ailing Italian with a hunched back, who moved very slow. He shuffled up to the barstool and asked for a glass of Chianti. He also looked down the bar and asked if that was Jesus sitting at the end of the bar. The bartender nodded, so the Italian said to give Him a glass of Chianti, too.

The third patron to enter the bar was a redneck, who swaggered into the bar and hollered, "Barkeep, set me up a cold one! Hey, is that God's Boy down there?" The barkeep nodded, so the redneck told him to give Jesus a cold one, too.

As Jesus got up to leave, he walked over to the Irishman and touched him and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Irishman felt the strength come back to his leg, so he got up and danced a jig out the door.

Jesus touched the Italian and said, "For your kindness, you are healed!" The Italian felt his back straighten, so he raised his hands above his head and did a flip out the door.

Jesus walked toward the redneck, but the redneck jumped back and exclaimed, "Don't touch me! I'm drawing disability!"

::D:

[Da Wham]

Q: What do a drummer and a condom have in common?




A: It's safer to have one around, but it feels better without one!

[Da Wham]

SNARE DRUM/TRAP SET: This weapon affects only a very small demographic: teenage girls and the fathers of these girls with steady jobs and liquid bank accounts. The snare drummer and the jazz/rock variety of set player act almost like a computer worm. The drummer will attach himself to an unsuspecting teenage girl and milk her and her father's finances in such a way as to not be noticed by the father until it is too late. Drummers are the leaches of the music world and can only be countered by being forced to get a real day job. This will reduce the drummer's "coolness" factor and the daughter will immediately lose interest.