Random Comments

[Da Wham]

Q: How many bass players does it take to change a light bulb?









A1: Only one - but the guitarist has to show him first.

A2: Six: One to change it, five to fight off the lead guitarists
who are hogging the light.

[Da Wham]

You're the Reason Our Kids are Ugly - Lorretta Lynn & Conway Twitty

[Da Wham]

Tom Fogerty has died. He wakes up and finds himself on a stage on which a number of instruments are set up.

A door offstage opens and in walk Jimi Hendrix, Jim Morrison, Brian Jones, John Lennon, Otis Redding, and Buddy Holly. Each musician picks up his favorite instrument and begins tuning up.

All of the instruments are taken but, to Tom's immense pleasure, the drums. He walks up to Jimi and says, "Man, so this is what heaven is like."

Jimi looks at him and says, "Heaven? You think this is heaven?"

At that moment, Karen Carpenter walks in, takes her seat behind the drums, and calls out, "Okay guys, 'Close to You'. One, two, three, four..."

[Da Wham]

Late one day a local pub saw six guys walk in, obviously in pairs of two, sit down and order their favorite after-work drinks.

The first two to seat themselves and be served by the bartender were two guys working at a major university whose I.Q.s were so high they could hardly be measured! They began discussing from Quantum Mechanics to the fine points of Particle Physics, either one as brilliantly as the other.

The bartender then went over to the next pair who were "regular guys" with ordinary jobs, with average I.Q.s, schmoozing about how hard it was today to keep up with bill payments, how high taxes were, how corrupt politicians were and all the day-to-day struggles most everyone has.

The last two the bartender served were two very badly educated, ill-mannered dolts with very low I.Q.s that could barely be measured on any I.Q. test. As soon as they'd ordered the bartender overheard one say to the other, "Oh, hey, I meant to ask ya, d'you use flatwound or roundwound on your bass?"

:biggrin:

[Da Wham]

~Saint Peter is checking in new arrivals in heaven....~

"What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a surgeon. I helped the lame to walk."
"Well, go right on in through the Pearly Gates"

"What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a school teacher. I taught the blind to see."
"Fine .. go right on in through the Pearly Gates!"

"What did you do on Earth?"
"I was a musician. I helped make sad people happy."
"You can load in through the kitchen."

:biggrin:

[Da Wham]

At a convention of biological scientists one researcher remarks to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from mice to banjo players for our experiments?"

"Really?" the other replied, "Why did you switch?"

"Well, for three reasons. First we found that banjo players are far more plentiful, second, the lab assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are some things even a rat won't do. However, sometimes it is very hard to extrapolate our test results to real human beings."

:biggrin:

[Da Wham]

~Why guitars are better than women ~


You can share your Guitar with your friends.

Guitars don't care how many other Guitars you've played

Guitars don't care if you look at other Guitars.

Guitars don't care if you buy Guitar magazines.

Your Guitar doesn't care if you never listen to it.

Your Guitar won't care if you leave up the toilet seat.

Your parents won't remain in touch with your old Guitar after you dump it.

Guitars don't insult you if you're a bad player.

Your Guitar never wants a night out with the other Guitars.

You can play your Guitar the first time you meet it, without having to take it to dinner, see a movie, or meet its mother.

[Da Wham]

I'm an equal opportunity joke teller!     :biggrin:


~Why Guitars are better than Men: ~


Guitars don't snore.

Guitars never wake you up in the middle of the night, for any reason.

Guitars never try to show you off to their friends.

Guitars don't come home drunk after a night out with the other Guitars.

You don't have to praise a Guitar after playing it.

Guitars don't have to prove anything.

Guitars don't try to change you once you've bought them.

Second-hand Guitars don't go to see previous owners when you're out of town.

Guitars don't have egos.

You don't have to continually assure your Guitar that its string length is just right.

Your Guitar will never earn more than you do for the same job just because it's a Guitar.

Your Guitar never spends a "night out with the Guitars" and comes home with a strange rash
on its fretboard.

[Da Wham]

:rotfl:

[Da Wham]

The most valuable function performed by a Wagnerian opera is its ability to drown out a rock concert.

:biggrin:

[Da Wham]

Good one Libby!      :biggrin:

Q: What do you get if Bach falls off a horse, but has the courage to get on again and continue riding?

.......


.......


..... wait for it .....


.......


A: Bach in the saddle again.

:biggrin:

[Da Wham]

"Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding, he sings."

:biggrin:

[Da Wham]

Q: How are a banjo player and a blind javelin thrower alike?







A: Both command immediate attention and alarm, and force everyone to move out of range.

:biggrin:

[Da Wham]

Any last requests?

A cowboy and a biker are on death row, and are to be executed on the same day. The day comes, and they are brought to the gas chamber.

The warden asks the cowboy if he has a last request, to which the cowboy replies, "Ah shore do, wardn. Ah'd be mighty grateful if'n yoo'd play 'Achy Breaky Heart' fur me bahfore ah hafta go."

"Sure enough, cowboy, we can do that," says the warden.

He turns to the biker, "And you, biker, what's your last request?"

"That you kill me first."

[Da Wham]

Andy Gullahorn sings "Workin' Man"

:biggrin: